The world of English as a second language (ESL) has been ruined by all the silly propaganda that students have been fed over the years, and I’m facing that same problem right now. My students can’t tell one verb tense from another, but they insist that they don’t need grammar. What they need, they keep telling me, is “conversations.” But this doesn’t even mean engaging them in dialogue with one another. If I try to get them to do that, they try just lumping words together, without rhyme or reason, and when that doesn’t work they get bad-tempered and tell me “dish bow ring,” or “nut im por tan.” What they imagine is that I will one day walk in with a photocopied sheet of paper that will reveal a perfect “conversation” for them to memorize. I’m working on it.

A: Hurro.

B: Hurro.

A: How you.

B: Yes.

A: Nice conversay.

B: Nice conversay.

I’m sure it can be done. They have been told, again and again, that they have come to a land of freedom and justice, where they will never more be oppressed by vocabulary, grammar, spelling, or pronunciation. They have been told that such things are not necessary if they are to assimilate themselves into anglophone society. I’m just not sure I want to be part of that transition.

About the author: Peter Goodchild is the author of ‘Survival Skills of the North American Indians’ (Chicago Review Press). Click here to mail him.